Santosh G.S. » Humour

Five Groups Of People On Facebook

Santosh — Sat, 15 May 2010 21:38:56 +0000

As I take a hiatus from Facebook, its overpowering grasp over my life, and of course, its tangled web of privacy issues, I felt I should pen down a conversation I had with a friend recently about the different groups of people there are on Facebook. What started off as a rant turned into quite a ROFL moment for us. This also happens to be my first attempt at a different writing style. I’m poking a lot of humour at everybody, including my friends and myself. Also the first time I’m using Windows Live Writer on this blog. Do excuse me. I heart you all.

So without further ado, here are the groups of people on FB:

1) Techies

Yes, lets start off with them first. These are the guys who sit for 10+ hours logged into Facebook from a small cubicle, in what is essentially an office filled with hundreds of overweight techies and the smell of fart from a day’s worth of McDonald’s. What do these guys do? Simple. Share carbon copies of everything that they share on Twitter.

2) From Orkut, with love…

“HiiiiiiiII!!!!… how r u?>”. No brainer here really. Ever seen the shit that’s on orkut these days? Guess what, it’s now migrating to Facebook. All those profiles with celebrity display pictures and special characters in their names are now here to bug you on Facebook. Deal with it. They’re your ‘friends’. Orkut friends to be precise. (Hint: Treating them as twelve year olds usually helps.)

3) Farmville Addicts

“Santosh has just grown paddy on his farm and wants you to cultivate it”. Yeah, right. Thanks to the app explosion that was Farmville, there are now a hundred friends, at the least, who send me requests to join them in cultivating their farms and what not. Virtual farming, really?! Bah! Oh wait, we should probably put the people who answer boring quizzes in this group too. And then, BLOCK ‘EM!

4) Relationship Abusers

This is a unique group of individuals who are on Facebook as an interim medium between texting in class, and staying cooped up at home. Yes, these are the very gay teen girls who list their best friends as siblings and relationship status as “married”. Personally, this is just down right a piss off.

And last, and probably the most annoying group of people –

5) Cool is my middle name

These are probably the people who piss off everybody the most. If they went out for lunch, a drink, or even a damn piss, you can expect pictures of them with people of the opposite sex. These aren’t any pictures though. These are ones that are meant to intimidate the “lesser social beings” (read: those with probably no party life at all) on Facebook. Yes, they’re cool to look at the first few times, but it can get painfully annoying and irritating when you realise that they mostly put these up to light a fire under your arse. But hey, isn’t that what Facebook is all about? Proving to your friends that you’re cooler and better than them in real life? Hah!

I know which group I fall under. Not proud of it, but I’m happy. No offence to my techie friends, you’re amazing people to hang out with, online at least. (LOL!) Peace out. \m/

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Buy an “Apple iPod Shuffle” for just Rs.180

Santosh — Sun, 02 May 2010 04:18:37 +0000

No, the title isn’t misleading or wrong. Thanks to the Chinese, it now takes only 180 bucks to be the proud owner of an “Apple” iPod Shuffle. But that isn’t the best part. Get this, you can add your own memory card to it!

When I visited Chennai recently (more on that later), @the100rabh and @daaku showed me an mp3 player that they said they bought for just Rs.180! This little Chinese bastard of an iPod Shuffle and Chinese preeminence comes with a pair of earphones and a microUSB cable (for charging purposes) too. Plug in your micro memory card and you’re good to go. You can even use your own 3.5mm headphones.

The sound quality really isn’t that bad if you’re only going to listen to Hindi music, Pop and Hip-Hop genres. Just don’t expect your Metal songs to sound good because this iPod can crank up the treble to insane levels.

Available at Saravana Selvarathnam Textiles, T.Nagar, Chennai. In Red, Black, Silver, and Purple(!!) colours.

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Quirks of Indian English

Santosh — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 08:07:10 +0000

The progressive tense in stative verbs: I am understanding it. She is knowing the answer. Also, “I am working at XYZ Company” instead of “I work at XYZ Company”. This is an influence of traditional Hindi grammar; it is more common in northern states.
The pluperfect tense used in verbs where International English speakers would use the simple past. I had gone for I went.
Use of would instead of will as in “I would be going to New York this weekend”.
Use of do the needful as in “do whatever needs to be done”

Anglicisation of Indian words especially in Chennai by adding “ify” to a local Tamil word, usually humorously and not used in general speak.
Idiomatic English for quantification in use of preposition “of”, as in “There is so much of happiness in being honest.”
Use of “open” and “close” instead of switch/turn on/off, as in “Open the air conditioner” instead of “Turn on the air conditioner”, and “Open your shirt” for “Take off your shirt.” This construction is also found in Quebec English and also among Arab speakers of English etc.
Use of “off” and “on” as verbs rather than adjectives, as in “On the light” instead of “Turn on the light” or “Off the fan” instead of “Switch off the fan.”
Use of “y’all” for “you all” or “all of you”, as used in Southern American English, especially by Anglo-Indians. However, unlike Southern American usage, it is only used as a subject or object in a sentence, never to address a group of people.
Swapping around the meanings of “slow” and “soft” as in “I shall speak slower for you” meaning “I will speak softly” and “Make the fan softer” to mean “Make the fan go slower.” This is because of influence from Indian languages. In Telugu, for example, the word ‘melliga’ can refer to either slow or quiet, and in Hindi “Deerai” can mean slowly or softly.
Creation of rhyming double-words (rhyming reduplication) to denote generality of idea or act, a ‘totality’ of the word’s denotation, as in “No more ice-cream-fice-cream for you!”, “Let’s go have some chai-vai (tea, “tea and stuff”).” or “There’s a lot of this fighting-witing going on in the neighborhood.” (Prevalent mainly in Hindi- and Punjabi-speaking states.)
Use of the word “since” instead of “for” in conjunction with periods of time, as in “I have been working since four years” instead of “I have been working for four years” or “I have been working since four years ago“. This usage is more common among speakers of North Indian languages such as Hindi where the words for both “since” and “for” are the same.
Use of “Can you drop me?” and “We will drop her first” instead of “Can you drop me off?” and “We will drop her off first”
Omission of the definite article: e.g. “Let’s go to city” instead of “Let’s go to the city”
Use of “the same” instead of “it”, as in “I heard that you have written a document on …. Could you send me the same?”
Use of “told” instead of “said”. An example would be “Ravi told he is going home” instead of “Ravi said he is going home” or “Ravi told me he is going home”. This feature is more prevalent in South India.

From the Wiki Entry for Indian English.

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Pakka Bengaluru Maga!

Santosh — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 07:30:03 +0000

[via here]

P.S. – for all my non-Kannada speaking friends, the translation of the title is in the permalink (URL). Simply (photo na) Yenjaay Maadi!

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Meet Mr. H G Srinivasa Prasad

Santosh — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:06:29 +0000

Meet H G Srinivasa Prasad, a retired employee of the Reserve Bank of India who has been teaching Kannada to adult non-Kannadigas for the last 27 years.

‘KUDI, KODI’ CONFUSION

Prasad has taught at medical and nursing colleges. “I usually ask everyone why they joined the class to learn Kannada and the most interesting answer came from a nursing student from Kerala.

The doctor had asked her to collect the urine sample from a patient but she ended up asking the patient to drink it! That is because ‘kudi’ (which means ‘to drink’) sounds very similar to ‘kodi’ (which means ‘to give’). Therefore, she decided to learn the language rather than scare her patients,” he recollected.

SIMPLE MANTRA
So, what makes him popular? “Keep it simple and they will fall in love with the language,” is his mantra.

In the last 28 years, Srinivas has trained more than 5,000 people to talk and understand basic Kannada, including Wipro chief Azim Premji’s wife Yasmeen Premji, and many foreign nationals.

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Enjoy a little Garfield

Santosh — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 18:47:40 +0000

I hadn’t read Garfield in about 148 days. So I took it upon me to read them all tonight instead of watching a second movie (I just finished watching The Tale of Despereaux, which btw, was pretty meh!).

I’ve posted some comics which made me LOL the most. I hope you enjoy them.

I should try this next one out:

One of the best:

And this one reminds me of the typical geeks that we are.

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Illustrated HTML Tags

Santosh — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 04:30:32 +0000

Ah, good ol’ HTML!

More at haha.nu.

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Stop Eating Chocolates (or risk getting your dick shrunk)

Santosh — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 16:10:53 +0000

I’ve always been afraid of eating chocolates. Now that I know what happens if I do, I’m probably gonna keep a mile away from ‘em.

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Michael Jackson converts to Islam

Santosh — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 08:25:53 +0000

It seems the King of Pop Michael Jackson has converted to Islam! WTF?

Look at this news article:

Pop superstar MICHAEL Jackson has confirmed his conversion to Islam, according to reports in the Middle East.

The Arab-Israeli newspaper Panorama claims Jackson has announced the move and revealed plans to move to Bahrain, where he has bought property.

The singer’s Muslim brother JERMAINE today claimed the THRILLER hitmaker had taken interest in the religion since he converted in 1989 â€“ and had been considering converting himself following his acquittal on child abuse charges in 2005.

Jermaine said, “When I came back from Mecca I got him (Michael) a lot of books and he asked me lots of things about my religion and I told him that it’s peaceful and beautiful.

“He read everything and he was proud of me that I found something that would give me inner strength and peace.

“I think it is most probable that Michael will convert to Islam.

“He could do so much, just like I am trying to do. Michael and I and the word of God, we could do so much.”

[Via AndPop]

PS – I put this in the Humour section as well

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Ubuntu Live CD for sale – only $0.99

Santosh — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 07:46:54 +0000

Okay, so we’ve all heard about the Utsav incident and what happened to him as well (oh, he was on Digg’s Upcoming page too!). Now there’s another one of these god-forsaken morons (who should be made to run naked on the streets in cold weather) trying to sell Ubuntu.

This moron going by the name pc-trooper is trying to auction off a Ubuntu 6.10 Live CD on eBay for just $0.99. Whats more, he expects you to pay $6.70 for shipping! WTF, these people should be banished from the earth if you ask me. Ubuntu, an Open Source free Linux distro, being sold just makes some of us boil inside.

If you thought things like these only happened on the Internet, well you should probably come down to Bangalore. Reputed shops on the busy Brigade Road are selling Linux Distros for ridiculous prices which start from Rs.500 and go on to a couple of thousands. And just how do they weigh the value of a distro ? Well, they check if the distro comes on a DVD. If it comes on a DVD, then it retails for a higher price. If it comes on a couple of CDs, then the price is a bit lower, and if its just one CD, then its 500 bucks! Phbrr..

Oh and hey, people at the Ubuntu forums actually think its alright ! WTH!

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