As I take a hiatus from Facebook, its overpowering grasp over my life, and of course, its tangled web of privacy issues, I felt I should pen down a conversation I had with a friend recently about the different groups of people there are on Facebook. What started off as a rant turned into quite a ROFL moment for us. This also happens to be my first attempt at a different writing style. I’m poking a lot of humour at everybody, including my friends and myself. Also the first time I’m using Windows Live Writer on this blog. Do excuse me. I heart you all.

So without further ado, here are the groups of people on FB:

1) Techies

Yes, lets start off with them first. These are the guys who sit for 10+ hours logged into Facebook from a small cubicle, in what is essentially an office filled with hundreds of overweight techies and the smell of fart from a day’s worth of McDonald’s. What do these guys do? Simple. Share carbon copies of everything that they share on Twitter.

2) From Orkut, with love…

“HiiiiiiiII!!!!… how r u?>”. No brainer here really. Ever seen the shit that’s on orkut these days? Guess what, it’s now migrating to Facebook. All those profiles with celebrity display pictures and special characters in their names are now here to bug you on Facebook. Deal with it. They’re your ‘friends’. Orkut friends to be precise. (Hint: Treating them as twelve year olds usually helps.)

3) Farmville Addicts

“Santosh has just grown paddy on his farm and wants you to cultivate it”. Yeah, right. Thanks to the app explosion that was Farmville, there are now a hundred friends, at the least, who send me requests to join them in cultivating their farms and what not. Virtual farming, really?! Bah! Oh wait, we should probably put the people who answer boring quizzes in this group too. And then, BLOCK ‘EM!

4) Relationship Abusers

This is a unique group of individuals who are on Facebook as an interim medium between texting in class, and staying cooped up at home. Yes, these are the very gay teen girls who list their best friends as siblings and relationship status as “married”. Personally, this is just down right a piss off.

And last, and probably the most annoying group of people –

5) Cool is my middle name

These are probably the people who piss off everybody the most. If they went out for lunch, a drink, or even a damn piss, you can expect pictures of them with people of the opposite sex. These aren’t any pictures though. These are ones that are meant to intimidate the “lesser social beings” (read: those with probably no party life at all) on Facebook. Yes, they’re cool to look at the first few times, but it can get painfully annoying and irritating when you realise that they mostly put these up to light a fire under your arse. But hey, isn’t that what Facebook is all about? Proving to your friends that you’re cooler and better than them in real life? Hah!

I know which group I fall under. Not proud of it, but I’m happy. No offence to my techie friends, you’re amazing people to hang out with, online at least. (LOL!) Peace out. \m/